Room for One More

So, lately I’ve been working on a project (more on that soon!) that has been occupying my thoughts constantly. Figuring out exactly what it needs to look like and how it needs to be done.

I’ve also had a lot of my thoughts occupied by myself - as in what exactly I’m supposed to look like and how I need to be.

I had decided I was going to quit being the Corri everyone else wanted and expected, and become the best version of Corri that God created me to be. Which in theory is admirable, but in practice proves to be a little more difficult. Mostly because I keep getting in my own way.

Over the last few years, there has been a lot going on. Saying it that way feels like oversimplifying - it has felt more like a chaotic mess. Life changes, body changes, thought changes…it’s been a lot. I don’t usually do things halfway, anyway, but this past season has really outdone itself.

In my mind, the best me is the one I haven’t reached yet. Which of course is always going to be true for any of us. But in the plans for becoming that “best me”, I forgot to just allow myself to be happy with the me I am in the moment. Not that I can’t and shouldn’t keep working to make better decisions and taking steps to improve my health (physical, mental, and spiritual), my home, my businesses. Just that I didn’t need to become so focused on where I wanted to be that I forgot to love the me I am now.

Which is exactly what I’ve been doing.

If you know me, and if you have been a part of barn night or any other random Tuesday around here, you know our unspoken philosophy is there is always room for one more. Our barn door is open. (Maybe not my house, bc it’s kind of a disaster, but the barn for sure ha!) When someone comes up, no matter what they are carrying, we pull out a chair, offer a drink, and make room for them to just be.

But when I show up carrying the same things, I start asking myself:
Am I grateful enough?
Am I strong enough?
Am I handling this well enough?
Am I making too much of it?
Shouldn’t I be farther along by now?
Why does this still bother me?

But then I realized, if the rules are everyone is welcome…doesn’t that apply to me as well?

I’ve been so busy filling everyone else’s tea glass, I forgot that I actually have a chair at the table as well.

So here I am. Pulling out my own chair, sitting down with a glass of sweet tea, allowing my current self to feel welcome, even if she isn’t completely comfortable yet.

Because there’s always room for one more.

Including me.

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